Saturday, March 10, 2007

Slices of Life

Sometimes life gets away from us. Well, away from me. For months I've kept my head down and my eyes fixed on my feet plodding along, numbly trying to get from Point A to Point B. It would probably be helpful to know what Point B is, as well as where it is. Is it:

A: to get caught up to a certain point at work? Management seems to think so. Since February 5 we have been required to work 10 hours of overtime a week. We're still not actually caught up, but we're a heck of a lot closer. I hate working so much, but I was hoping that all that extra money would let me pay off my Mayo Clinic bill. How can 22 hours of overtime on a check be only $115 more than the usual pay? Take a look at how much went to Uncle Sam and you'll know the answer to that question. Sigh. And then take that extra money to buy a new antibiotic that still doesn't work.

B: to finish knitting socks for all my friends? I'm working so much that I never get to see them. Working on gifts for friends makes me feel close to them, even if I don't get to see them. I look at my yarn stash and wonder what color or pattern Paula and Jane would like. It makes me feel like I'm hugging them.

C: to have a clean apartment? I hope that's not Point B. I'll never get there. The sun is shining gloriously today, and the temperature is near 40, so I have all the blinds open and the windows cracked a scant half inch. All that light is showing off all the dust and cat hair on everything. I am doggedly ignoring the sight. I will not spend my one afternoon off moaning about cat hair.

D: to be completely healed from all my sinus tribulations? Nope, can't be. The doctor has flat out said it ain't happening. No cure for what I have. But maybe we can kick the sinus infection that I've had since October. That would be Good.

I think the question shouldn't be "What is Point B?" I think it should be "What do I want Point B to be?" Well, darned if I know. Except I'd like a little more balance in my life. Less work and more time with friends. I want to put in a nice, 8 hour day at work and then come home to an apartment that was at least tidy, if not immaculate. I want more energy and playtime. I'd like fewer bills and less time spent seeing doctors who would like to help but can't. I want to lose about 20 pounds and take a month long vacation where I could spend all the money I want.

I think what Point B needs to be is contentment. Being content with what I have. Anybody know how to get there?

1 comment:

Daye said...

read some Zen koans.

or flip thru a yoga journal. It's online.

Just be.

love you
(and my purple socks)